just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Duck Duck Cougar?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Randomize
