Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
