Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize
