I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
