If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
