I don't think brook has ever known best
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
