you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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