I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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