my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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