$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
