Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
