I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
