Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
