??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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