At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
