gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I think people are normalizing furries
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
