I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
