you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
