i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
