People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
