Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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