Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
my being single is dangerous.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
