OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He? As in you personified your dick?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
