John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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