would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
