Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
