There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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