I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
