She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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