By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
