Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
