Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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