Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
