My underwear smells like fireworks.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
