Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize