if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
