the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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