My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
