Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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