so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
