is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
