Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
