well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
