last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
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