Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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