My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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