Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
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