I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
