jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
