I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
