I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
