Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
