plz talk dirty to me
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
