My friends, they love my intelligence
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Found your dick twin last night
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize