My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
