Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize