Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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