Plan B is the new Plan A
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Holy sore nipples Batman
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
