see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We have so much sex to catch up on
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
