your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Randomize
