I just made out with a guy for $7.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
