eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
