Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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