Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
