also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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