ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
