I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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