how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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