I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
