How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
