btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
