I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
