saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
