Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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