So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
