i may or may not be watching the land before time
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize