No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
