mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
