she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
