Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
