I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
