she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
There r osticjed everywhere
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
