We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize