I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
