You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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