I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
