guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
