just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
