hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
