my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
