Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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